Asalnya saya ada lah rasa nak bersalin di hospital sebab a bit risau about things about GDM and such.
I did some reading. I was half hearted.
We did some test and although the gynae told us we are okay to homebirth, I still think to try hospital birth.
So before our kind of final check up, I walked a lot. Tried to do lots of natural induction.
We went to the zoo with the kids. Jalan daki jalan berbukit, sanggup jalan jauh dalam Zoo.
Although hubby cakap kalau tak larat, kita rest saja, no I don’t want to.
We went walking in the IOI City Mall a number of times. I just want to get the baby out. It’s really heavy already!
But, no. She won’t!
Masa check up dengan gynae (the lovely Dr Idora – HIGHLY RECOMMENDED), I asked her to check my opening.
She supportively checked and told me it is already 2 cm opened. Whee!!
I was super excited! I told my family and that was the most non-necessary things to do.
It put pressure on me because everyone kept asking is the baby out yet.
Back at home, we went to mak’s house just in case the baby wants to come out that soon.
We asked my sister Fatimah to check my opening if I had any progress at all.
You know what?
Prior to this birth, I’ve never had any vaginal examination, except during Muhammad’s birth.
I was just kind of, I don’t know, excited. Haha.
She checked and told me no progress.
Oh I was devastated. I want the baby to come out as soon as possible!
The next day, it’s Friday.
My sister Jannah is coming town. So she is available is I were to hospital birth.
Hubby still not so loving such idea. It’s a hustle for us.
So I tried one more natural induction, and the surges came. Well, it was as usual but because this time it was a bit intense and I can’t wait for the baby to come out, I asked hubby if we can go to the hospital.
It was Friday, at night.
We aren’t used to hospital birth. So we just drove to the hospital at that moment. Checking in and such.
The hospital was great, but we cannot check in into any suite before I give birth.
So poor hubby had to sleep on the uncomfortable cold chair, while I had my surges and sleeping on the cold bed.
Suddenly I thought, this is not the atmosphere that is comfortable for me to give birth.
But since the nurses are so kind and nice, I just thought, let’s just give it a try.
Fast forward, I was checked to be open at 4 cm. Huh?
And I didn’t feel a thing when the surge show some spike on the machine. So, it looks like the birth of the baby would not be in the nearest time, perhaps.
I guess maybe that’s because I’m stressed. Stressed because so many people asked us has the baby come out, stress because the hospital is not as comfy as home, and so many things.
At this moment, mak and my Jannah’s family already overnight at nearest hotel, The Garden Midvalley. Just in case the baby comes out, the kids can visit us immediately.
The hotel was great. It was an apartment hotel with 2 rooms, living room, dining room, kitchen and all.
Ok, back to the baby.
So we told the hospital nurses that we want to go out for a while. And surprisingly, they let us.
I love Pantai Hospital for trusting us in this matter. Or is it because we already had 2 homebirths before.
30th April 2018
We date without the kids, for the first time after years; just the 2 of us.
I was so thankful of this blessing in disguise moment.
Yes, the baby is not coming out yet, but we had our own sweet moment together. It was refreshing. It was priceless!
We did overnight at the hotel as well, but not at the same room as the kids. Just so I can get enough rest, de-stress and all.
It really felt like honeymoon.
Thank you so much to my mak, apak and sisters and their family for taking care of our 3 kids during this time.
After second day at hospital, the gynae decided that it is not time yet. So we can go home and return anytime we wish.
I was a bit frustrated, but well, maybe the baby just want homebirth like her sisters. Who knows.
So we went home and I decided to just relax.
I did message Wai Han on how to induce effectively.
She told me to talk to the baby. Only when the baby is ready, will she comes out.
You know what, we did so many things during this period of time.
I was so stressfull, that we went to buy juicer just to make pineapple juice – so that I can drink lots of them to sort of natural induce the baby.
Thankfully I didn’t feel intense during any of those surges. Remember, I already had 4 cm opening.
I wish for any intensity to give hint to the baby. But no, no intense. Just normal surges.
We also went to shop some maternity clothes at Calaqisya because I cannot fit any more into all of my clothes including the Jubah. Even just the cloth that I wear in the house.
It was a stressful moment.
Until I learnt that, just relax. Relax.
Later I tried listening to the song of zikir by Hafiz Hamidun. I felt the baby is starting to make a wee bit of progress, well, just a bit of tense surge is kind of progress to me.
7th May 2018
That evening, hubby tried to pujuk me doing a natural induction that I have lost hope in.
We did that numbers of time and no, the baby still adamantly stay in the womb.
But I was out of option, I thought, okay, why not.
That night, the a bit of intense surge came, while we were having dinner at Fuel Shack. I thought, meh, just another joke right?
So I dismissed it.
Back home, I tried doing something to distract myself.
I printed some birth affirmation that is me allowing the baby to choose her own time to comes out.
It is to ease my mind, to let me relax.
8th May 2018, Tuesday
I woke up, but as usual, I stay lazily on the bed scrolling the Facebook newsfeed. While pitying myself, I guess. Haha.
Suddenly, I felt my water broke!
It doesn’t felt like a gush, just as if I was accidentally peed on myself.
I stood and check, no, I wasn’t urinating anything.
But I guess the waterbag has popped! Yeay!!
But Yeay is not really a Yeay because last time I broke my waterbag for Muhammad’s birth (my first child), it wasn’t until about 12 hours later that I really start giving birth.
But still, it was an exciting thing to share with my hubby.
Wait, where is he?
I tried calling him via phone but to no avail. I knew he was somewhere in the house.
So I checked the girls’ room of which was empty. The girls are sleeping with us. Well, kids.
I did had a thought of giving birth alone by myself, but nah. I wanted to share the moment with my other half.
So I went downstairs to check for the room.
And yes, he was there napping because the room downstairs was a bit warm than our room.
I told him that I guess my water has broke.
I tried to ease myself by the bed. Swinging myself to the rhythm of the surge. And plop plop another thing come out.
Wowwww!! I am extremely excited at this moment and so believe that the baby will come out anytime soon!
But well, hubby didn’t think so. He went to the toilet to do his thing.
I shared the images of the plops to Wai Han. Her reply excites me the most!
She told me ‘I see birth show and vernix’
It IS TIME!!
But my hubby was taking so much time to himself that I had to made a sound. Haha.
Quickly suddenly he came out saying he was worried hearing me making such sounds.
Ok sebenarnya saya dah rasa kepala baby nak keluar waktu berdiri di bilik.
Tapi pada masa yang sama saya terasa nak buang air besar sangat-sangat.
Nak buang air besar adalah petanda baby dah nak keluar.
Tapi suami cakap dia tak nampak apa pun.
Jadi saya masuk lah bilik air untuk buang air besar (wabek). Teran tak keluar. Keluar coet saja.
Kecewa berganda ok.
Pada masa yang sama surge keep on coming.
Jadi nak tak nak saya buat keputusan bersalin dulu nanti baru sambung wabek.
Dan tak semena-mena saya terduduk dalam keadaan tunduk menyembah bumi. Dalam keadaan sujud.
Badan dalam tandas. Kepala luar tandas.
Mula-mula saya teran. Macam biasa lah kan sebab tak dapat lawan the urge.
Tapi penat. Berpeluh-peluh.
Saya minta suami tengok kan nampak tak kepala baby. Kata nya tak nampak.
Rupa-rupanya sebab ruang di pintu tandas sangat kecil jadi dia tak dapat tengok jelas.
Sedang saya teran, suami minta breath out saja. Masa ni saya antara percaya tak percaya nak breath out buat apa, teran pun tak jadi apa.
Sekali bila breath out, suami cakap haa dah nampak!
Oh my!!!! Nak nangis!! Oh baby!!! After sooooo long!!
Dan slowly kepala baby pun keluar. Sebak!!!!!!!
Baby buat bunyi baby. Langsung tak menangis. Suami tolong support kepala baby sebab baru kepala saja keluar. Badan belum keluar.
Sempat lah suami ambil gambar. So lovely!
Kemudian saya cuba teran lagi. Dan suami bagitau lah ‘Kalau Syg teran nampak susah nak buka. Kalau Syg breath out, nampak bukaan tu makin besar.’
Walaupun saya in disbelieve, tapi sebab saya percaya suami nampak, saya tak nampak pun; jadi saya breath out lagi.
Keluar badan pula.
Tak sabar nyaaaaa nak peluk baby!!!
Mana kaki dia?
Masa ni saya rehat. Oh come on surge. Where are you?
Suami tanya kenapa duduk saja, tak breath out.
Saya cakap sebab surge belum datang jadi tak boleh buat apa.
Tapi yang datang adalah sakit pinggang. Rasa nak tercabut pinggang. Serius!
Dok panggil surge please come. Akhirnya next surge pun datang dan the last breathing out, baby Hajar keluar sepenuhnya!!
Sebak sangat tak sabar-sabar terus saya pusing dan peluk baby Hajar.
Oh my love! Lama tau mak tunggu Hajar keluar. Sampai 39 weeks baru nak keluar. I miss you so much!
Masa keluar ni kami terperasan tali pusat baby terpotong. Tapi placenta belum keluar.
Jadi macam biasa, saya minta suami tolong dudukkan saya atas kerusi supaya placenta mudah keluar.
Alhamdulillah sekejap saja placenta pun meluncur.
Post birth sakit pinggang saya belum habis. Haha. I can’t lie down, so I just keep on sitting until mak came over to pick the kids.
Actually, if it can be rewind, I just wish to stay a bit longer at our home.
It was a beautiful birth, that I wish if only the experience can be re-experienced.
Eh bukan nak baby baru in nearest time, just if only there is time capsule to revisit the moment.
To Hajar, if you are reading this, or Maryam and Hannah and Muhammad; birth is beautiful. Usah biarkan tanggapan bersalin itu sakit melekat dalam minda.
Sebaliknya, belajar lah; HypnoBirthing Morgan Method – you will find that Allah is so amazing at creating this beautiful process.
It is meant just for the 3 of you – your baby, you and your spouse.
Thank you Hajar for coming into this world. You opened up so much unimaginable possibilities in our lives.